Don’t you just hate it when a really good song is ruined by nasty language? Or when a pizza is ruined by that ONE terrible topping? Funny, how easy it is for a little thing to ruin a big thing.
I should make that a children’s book. But in the meantime, I need to find a fix for this sticky situation of having the whole family under one roof and Aunt Mabel gumming up the works. She HATES Christmas, so whatever has changed in the meantime, I simply don’t know. She spent the entirety of her last Christmas visit sitting by the window, saying that our geraniums needed pruning and that really needed to call the tree removal people on the weeping birch because it was ‘tilting’. After two hours of this, I think I was the one who was tilting…
And who shows up on boxing day? The Ashwood tree removal people, of course. Mabel must’ve snuck up to her room and called, telling them it was a ‘dire case’. There was nothing wrong with that birch tree. It was tilting because it’s a weeping birch and that’s what it does!
Oh, and then there was a few years before, when Mabel hadn’t quite decided whether she just hated Christmas or whether it was just a phase. I wasn’t even a teenager at the time, but brought her own gardening tools and spent the whole day outside, grumbling at how Mum had let the place turn into a tip and how ashamed she should be having the entire family here at Christmas, looking at this terrible garden.
Apparently she didn’t have her lightning-fast Melbourne tree trimming people on call that year, otherwise I feel like they would’ve been at the door. And now I’m paranoid about how our garden looks for when Mabel comes along and starts judging every aspect. I should just…close the curtains for the entirety of Christmas.
I have had my meal of fish and potatoes. It was a good meal, and now…action must be taken. Any minute now.
It’ll happen, at some point. At point that is the right point. Gah, this is just me all over! Inaction, all the time. I’ll never learn, and it will be my downfall. I’m the world’s greatest procrastinator, which is why it took several years for me to get round to starting a business. Actually, the business hasn’t even started yet, what am I saying? I’m scheduled to begin trading on Monday, and now I have to renovate this office in the space of a weekend. How did it come to this? Oh yeah, internet videos.
Oh, there are office design companies in Melbourne, office fitouts experts if you will. I could just get it all done, but I promised myself that I was going to do this myself. It was going to be how I proved to myself that I was ready to do this, to finally run my own business efficiently without running away to get someone else to do stuff for me. I remember a bit about DIY from my youth, so I thought I could do this. But something always happened that meant I could put it off. I needed to find just the right floorboards. I didn’t want floorboards, I wanted tiles instead. Tiles were overrated, I really just needed the right carpet. By the time I’d made it to the curtain colours…well, that’s now. We’ve made it to the curtain colours, and I’m still as terrible as I was.
Professional office fitouts it is, I suppose. It’ll probably end up much better, though I do wonder if they’ll be finished in a single day. Maybe all my staff will have to move in while there are major renovations going on, and I’ll have to make something up. Like, there were faults with the previous renovation, which is…true enough. I had to call in Melbourne’s best office renovation people, because my own skills weren’t enough! Also, kind of true…
Jake had the bright idea of taking us all on a fishing trip. Normally this would be a fun adventure, instead we were all terrified because none of us had ever been fishing before. We were keen to try though, because as far as we could tell, fishing is a relatively low-impact activity.
Jake decided that we should all go out on a boat. This is despite none of us having a skipper’s ticket, half having never been on a boat more than once. Oh and one of us wasn’t able to swim.
Flash forward six months, and Jake, true to his word, has gotten a skipper’s ticket and decided that life jackets are our best chance. We got one with an old outboard motor, which I didn’t realise was a mistake. It wasn’t long before we realised the boat needed a serious outboard motor servicing. Melbourne waters can be unforgiving to an inexperienced crew.
The day was a disaster before we even hit the water. Jake’s truck could not get up the hill leading to the pier. We all burst into laughter at this predicament of course, since we could literally see the coast from inside the truck. For about 45 minutes we had to help push the boat up the last few metres to the top of the hill. No sooner had we accomplished this task, the trailer breaks off. The boat’s back end falls straight down, right next to the pier, outboard motor broken into pieces.
We were so close, yet so far away. It’s a good thing our shenanigans didn’t manage to break the anchor winch. Melbourne is a fantastic place to fish and enjoy the bay, but I doubt I’ll ever go out with someone who doesn’t have at least a few years experience with a boat. We didn’t end up out on the water, but we still ended up fishing off the pier, so at the very least it was a memorable weekend.
My nerves can handle a finale. My nerves can handle a mid-season finale, provided I know that it’s coming. But now Week of Our Lives has just been tossing in the revelations in whichever episode it likes, and I just can’t deal. CANNOT DEAL, PEOPLE.
Anyway, juicy details firthcoming! Now Spencer is the mayor, he’s unveiled a gold statue of himself in the town square that also acts as a fountain. Debbie has remained faithful despite the unfortunate tortoise incident that found its way onto Me-Straw, but now she’s worried. Spencer is flying in some expert eyebrow tattooing experts from Melbourne, because he’s worried that the golden statue’s eyebrows are more ‘fleek’ than his, and it’s now mocking him.
Debbie wants to tell someone who can help, like a psychiatrist, but having perfect eyebrows to impress Craig, her ex who dumped her for his online Japanese robot girlfriend, is too tempting. She’s going to surpress the truth of Spencer’s illness just to make her eyebrows the most fleek in all of Realsville, prizing her appearance over the good of the citizens!
In a related story, Greta is trying to snag the handsome guy who fixes the gas despite the fifty-five-year age difference, and she’s been trying to oust Debbie from her position as PA so that Spencer will include her in his eyebrow tattooing plans. Never mind that her husband Paolo managed to survive her attempts to have him killed at sea by befriending the mercenary pirates and has returned for his ultimate revenge! And Greta is using the money from his life insurance just to keep the anti-wrinkle treatments from Melbourne flowing. What happens when the truth comes out? Will Debbie see sense? Why is Spencer’s gold statue wearing Crocs, and is it a sign? How will Leela convince Clarice to open a reptile petting zoo together when iguanas killed her entire family?
Squee, so much mystery and intrigue!!
I’m a bit a loner, always have been. I’m not one for social gathering, partially ones that involve a lot of people. I still have a keen interests in the lives of my friends, I spend a lot of time on social media. I have files on all of my friends that I update with new information from their public posts online. It’s a strange hobby but it keeps me busy. I was so surprised to receive a wedding invitation from a family friend. I hadn’t attending a wedding in many years, it was flattering to be asked and since I didn’t have plans for that weekend, I accepted. I wanted to get the couple a nice wedding present, it was kind of them to invite me when so many other friends have given up. I had in mind a beautiful array of garden plants that they could enjoy. I’m told they have been talking with a property conveyancer in Melbourne about selling their current home and upgrading. I’m told they’ve decided to move to the country for a quieter life, they think Melbourne is not the best place to raise a child. I can understanding wanting to be in the wide open spaces of the country. It’ll be a nice change for them to have a house instead on a cramped apartment. When it comes to Melbourne property conveyancing they’ve chosen a group that is sure to get them a great price for their apartment. I’ve been noticing some tension between the couple on recent posts made on Facespace over where they want to move. The wife seems to be leaning towards moving to Adelaide while the husband wants to stay in Melbourne.
Either way I’m sure they’ll appreciate some new additions to their garden. I may not spend a lot of time out of the house socialising with friends, but I do know how to maintain an excellent garden. I’m sure the happy couple will be excited by the gift I plan to give them.
I’ve done some pretty impressive building work in my time if I do say so myself. If had to choose the most complicated work I would have to say it was the rendering project that I organised for a family in need in the western suburbs of Melbourne. I volunteer at a local charity that helps underprivileged families repair their damaged homes. The charity is called ‘Projects for Humanity’ and I’ve been involved with them for about two years. In that time I’ve managed to help out some of the poorest families in Melbourne. The work is incredibly rewarding when you see the difference it can make to a family in need. I don’t know why more people don’t volunteer their time to help those who are less fortunate than themselves.
It’s fulfilling work and I hope I can inspire others in the building industry to lend a hand or a hammer where they can. The charity is run on donations and dedicated volunteers who care about making a difference in this world. I have a background in renovation project management so I organise the projects as best I can. Recently the charity was contacted by a family in desperate need of help with their house rendering. The family was worried about the safety of their young children when I large section of rendering come loose and fell off. I got on the phone straight away and spoke to a few rendering companies in Melbourne that I thought might be able to help. Thankfully I was able to quickly organise a team to donate their time to repair the brick rendering for this struggling family. If knew how to do rendering I would have done the job myself, but unfortunately it’s a skill that I do not possess. Thankfully there are plenty of house rendering companies based in Melbourne that are kind enough to help out a family in need.
I hate anything too boring, which is usually a trait I keep to myself. If a friend says we should meet up, I keep my suggestions of doing so at an ice skating rink while wearing matching onesies to myself, sitting in an ordinary café sipping my ordinary cappuccino in compliant silence. It’s fine, really.
And then my birthday rolls around, and boy, EVERYONE knows that it’ll be a crazy time. Maybe that’s why nobody ever misses my birthday celebrations. For one glorious night a year, people actually realise that my way of doing things is the best way, and they’re allowed to cut loose for a change. See? Amity knows best, and she also knows all the hottest function rooms in Melbourne and hereabouts that tolerate a bit of wackiness. Don’t worry, I’m not going to wreck the place! Just…make some interesting decisions regarding the decorations.
I just found my dream catering company as well: Mad Science Catering. Science in name, science in game, because they serve all their drinks in beakers and their finger food in petri dishes, with microscopes that actually just display the ingredients of what you’re eating. That’s useful, because their dishes are just plain nuts. Orange and green tea-flavoured dumplings filled with seaweed-infused eel. Or this mysterious brew that turned out to be apple juice mixed with melted choc liqueurs and a dash of vanilla extract. It was like drinking an apple pie, with delicious extras. You never know what you’re getting, there are new flavours every time and I just wish I could make them my personal chefs because wow, what a way to live! If nothing else (and there’s so much else anyway) they’re a conversation piece.
Next time I’m planning to have all my friends take ice skating classes, except there’s gonna be a special requirement to stand on one leg the whole time. They also have to wear animal-themed onesies, because no one has yet taken me up on that offer…and then, of course, culinary loveliness afterwards.
Bacon and chestnuts isn’t such a bad idea, especially if you fried the chestnuts in maple syrup, forming a cement of sorts. Then you could wrap a bundle of chestnuts in bacon, creating an attractive package sure to satisfy at parties. Speaking of parties, I really feel like the catering company is taking off! Wasn’t sure if it was a good idea, going with the name Mad Science Catering, but it seems to be paying off since I’ve been dashing around Melbourne’s birthday party venues like I’m trying to cook Christmas dinner for a Mongolian horde! I did wonder if people would be up for the idea of trying out new flavour sensations , rather than the old canapes. Additionally, all my staff wear lab coats, goggles and serve my creations in a variety of science-themed containers.
I think people are just loving the novelty, which is truly what I’ve hoped for. I’m not saying my company is great for a funeral or anything…though maybe we could just tone down the uniforms…but when people pick up their bite-size scallops wrapped in smoked cheese and pickled eggplant, I want them to have a real experience right there in their taste buds. It’s all about the adventure! People spend as much time talking about the food creations as they do about the party venue, or the latest gossip. It almost becomes a game, with people daring each other to try something with which they’re not familiar.
Of course, everything is tested before it’s mass produced. They’re odd flavours, but if it doesn’t work I don’t serve them. It’s Mad Science with a bit of sensibility to back it up! In any case, it’s alright if people don’t like everything, because it’s all about the experience. Good thing I have a very wide palette. Well, back to dashing across Melbourne. Function rooms await that haven’t experienced my coffee-flavoured choco-steak salad nibbles!
I have decided to delegate tasks to each family member this weekend so that we actually get stuff done. Every weekend we go through the same routine, everyone argues over not wanting to do chores and then no one ends up doing anything. I have created a schedule this week, Ryan and I will clear the leaves and do all the gardening tasks and the kids have to do the laundry and clean their dishes. We are going to the gardening centre on Friday evening to choose some new sonatini hippeastrums. Last time I put the kids on gardening duty they absolutely annihilated the yard. There was soil everywhere, no plants had been planted and they had taken pruning to a real extreme.
So this time I am assigning them indoor tasks only and I will be closely supervising. I do not want to have to redo the garden after they have had their fun messing it up for four hours. We just ordered some beautiful scarlet runners online and I do not want them chopping it all up as a practical joke. I hope the scarlet runner will spread all over the ground surrounding the patio covering up what is currently a brown mush. This garden has a lot of potential if it’s shown a bit of love and care. I figure by the time I get the gardening done the kids should have really done all our laundry to the point that I expect it to be folded up on the appropriate beds. I am going to ban them from the garden if they even attempt any of their old tricks, they have ruined too many of my new flowers in the past to be trusted. I love them dearly but they are little terrors. I’m confident that the gladioli will thrive, even if I have to water them everyday to keep them alive in the yard.
Oh my gosh what have I done? I mean, I really shouldn’t be sitting here right now, blogging about all this. I need to be out there in the world, trying to desperately fix this, but I don’t seem to be able to help myself. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m in so deep there doesn’t seem to be anything I can do at this point except make the situation worse.
For the last, I don’t know, maybe month, I’ve been lucky enough to be the personal assistant to a vice principal at a private school. To try and preserve a little dignity, I won’t mention the name of the school here, but it is quite prestigious and I was very fortunate to get this position there. As one of the first major tasks I’ve been entrusted with, I was asked to find the keynote speaker for the year twelves farewell speech at the end of the week. But with so much else going on and with me being so new to the whole thing, I completely forgot to book somebody.
I know! How could I have been so stupid? This is the last time those year twelves are going to be here before they get launched into their exams, and now their final assembly is going to be a wreck. And it’s all my fault.
Currently, as I write this, I’m trying to muster up the courage to tell my boss that I’ve completely failed in the first major project that he’s given me while frantically scanning the internet to find some kind of solution here. The only problem is, every event speaker I’ve find so far requires at least a week’s notice to come in and I have far less than that. I just can’t believe I’ve managed to fail this spectacularly.