I grew up with the same boring fairy-tales, just like everyone else. Same old cautionary messages, same old tired morals. Don’t trust strangers! Don’t eat things without a comprehensive list of available ingredients! Straw and sticks are not viable building materials when being stalked by a serial killer with improbable lung capacity!

All true, in the end. I’ll grant them that. But kids nowadays are more switched on than ever. They have tablets and internet culture; if they don’t have common sense pounded into their heads by age six, then it’s not going in at all. No, what we need are cautionary tales for a modern generation, things that kids won’t learn from trite storybook and cartoons. Or perhaps we could update some old tales to have new, more relevant morals? I don’t know about you, but I’ve been scared stiff by all those posters and radio ads about the dangers of carbon monoxide poisoning. Used to be a lady in my apartment block who left her stove on. Her apartment filled with gas, made her quite sick in the end. She had to go and get oxygen therapy. Melbourne has options available for people suffering from carbon monoxide poisoning, sure, but it’s a silent killer. Oxygen therapy can only help you if you’re still alive! I think!

How about…The Three Little Housemates and the Big Bad Faulty Carbon Monoxide Alarm. One of them smells something funny, doesn’t do anything about it, has to get hyperbaric treatments. Another one comes in, smells something funny and just opens a window. Has to get hyperbaric treatments. A then the third and wisest realises that their alarm is faulty, and the gas heater on the wall is leaking, so he actually does something about it. It’s not as fantastical as a wolf blowing a house down, but it’s a cautionary tale for a new generation. Not to deprive Melbourne’s hyperbaric medicine industry of clients- you’re great, no lie- but it’s better for people to know this stuff from childhood.