I’d just discovered that my best friend was responsible for the destruction of Australia’s Next Top Office. It didn’t make sense, but the proof was staring me right in the face on the director’s screen.

“It wasn’t me!” Space Wizard said. “I would never do something like this. There has to be some other explanation!”

I stepped toward him, a fist balled. “Who’s that on the video, then? It looks exactly like you. How could you do this? Don’t you know how many people rely on ANTO for entertainment? Now how are we supposed to win through designing fantastic office fitouts for Melbourne businesses?”

“You have to believe me, Bandit,” said Space Wizard. “I had nothing to do with this.”

“He’s telling the truth.”

We both turned toward the door. There stood a withered man, his flesh wrinkled and almost green. He carried a staff with a skull on it and wore a tall stone helmet. Archerak, the great arch-lich. 

I immediately reached for a loose pipe in the corner, holding it as a weapon. Space Wizard shifted to a stance where he could more easily use his magic.

Archerak lifted a weak hand before us. For a second I thought he was casting a spell to liquify us.

“No need to protect yourselves,” Archerak said. “My magic has been stolen from me. I am nothing but an undead old man with a genius mind.”

I continued to hold the improvised weapon, unsure if this was a trick.

Archerak continued. “This Space Wizard was not responsible for the destruction which now prevents awesome office interior design. Melbourne is in great danger, for the villain in the film you see is much worse.”

“What do you mean, this Space Wizard?” I asked.

Archerak hobbled toward us, supporting himself on his staff. He pointed to the screen, where Space Wizard used his laser vision to destroy the town. “There are two of him now. I do not know why, but this one is the Evil Space Wizard. His eyes glow bright green instead of blue.”

“My gosh,” I said. “What do we do?”

Space Wizard stepped forward. “We work together to destroy my evil clone.”

Archerak and I nodded in agreement.

I have had my meal of fish and potatoes. It was a good meal, and now…action must be taken. Any minute now.

It’ll happen, at some point. At point that is the right point. Gah, this is just me all over! Inaction, all the time. I’ll never learn, and it will be my downfall. I’m the world’s greatest procrastinator, which is why it took several years for me to get round to starting a business. Actually, the business hasn’t even started yet, what am I saying? I’m scheduled to begin trading on Monday, and now I have to renovate this office in the space of a weekend. How did it come to this? Oh yeah, internet videos.

Oh, there are office design companies in Melbourne, office fitouts experts if you will. I could just get it all done, but I promised myself that I was going to do this myself. It was going to be how I proved to myself that I was ready to do this, to finally run my own business efficiently without running away to get someone else to do stuff for me. I remember a bit about DIY from my youth, so I thought I could do this. But something always happened that meant I could put it off. I needed to find just the right floorboards. I didn’t want floorboards, I wanted tiles instead. Tiles were overrated, I really just needed the right carpet. By the time I’d made it to the curtain colours…well, that’s now. We’ve made it to the curtain colours, and I’m still as terrible as I was.

Professional office fitouts it is, I suppose. It’ll probably end up much better, though I do wonder if they’ll be finished in a single day. Maybe all my staff will have to move in while there are major renovations going on, and I’ll have to make something up. Like, there were faults with the previous renovation, which is…true enough. I had to call in Melbourne’s best office renovation people, because my own skills weren’t enough! Also, kind of true…