We really need some repairs around the building because it’s getting a bit dangerous around here.

Just a couple of days ago I was bringing my boyfriend up to the apartment so that he could pat Mr Whiskers, my favourite of the six cats I own. We were heading up the stairs from the ground floor when he put his hand on the balustrade. The tiniest bit of weight caused it to fall down and smash against the ground. Suddenly everyone was heading down to see what the noise was about. I was so embarrassed. We’ve all known to avoid that balustrade for the last few months, but I’d forgotten to tell my boyfriend about it! 

So for starters, we could really use a business that makes glass balustrades for stairs. Melbourne has lots of stairs so that this exists. Unfortunately, it’s not really my job to arrange that. That honour belongs to the landlord, but he’s a bit of an idiot. Maybe I should form a cat lovers’ union, and we can force him to do it. He thinks that we don’t need a balustrade or handhold, which in my opinion, is really dangerous. There are a lot of older people living in this building. What if one of them has a fall while on the stairs?

That’s just the start of my issues with Mr Daniels, though. He’s done much worse than refusing to get commercial glazing. I’ve reported multiple times that my front door scrapes along the carpet, but he refused to get it fixed. Then when he turned up at my door for a random inspection, he complained that I was destroying the carpet and made me pay to get it repaired! What a jerk.

He’s just lucky that we’ve formed such a tight community of cat lovers. Nobody wants to move out of the building. Well, that’s why I’m going to unionise. Although if we don’t and something bad happens, he’ll get a big lawsuit. Maybe it’s time I took a tumble down the stairs instead.

I was watching the Hungry Games the other night, and I couldn’t help but admire the courage it must have taken to enter such a big and deadly competition. My brother said it was based on a true story so that just makes it even more amazing. Although at the start it said it was set in 2256, so I don’t really know how it can be based on a true story if it hasn’t happened yet. Maybe the director is a time traveller? Anyway, as I was watching this movie, I got an idea. Now don’t laugh, because it will hurt my feelings. I think we should introduce the Hungry Games right here in Melbourne. But not just any Hungry Games; the Glazier Hungry Games.

You make it hard to enter, so only a most talented glazier close to Melbourne would bother auditioning. Then you select the twenty-four best and train them in weapons and warfare. Then you let them loose in an arena (possibly the Melbourne Croquet Ground) to fight for the championship. If they do certain challenges, they are rewarded with extra things to help them survive. Whoever wins is named the King of the Glaziers for that year, and they get a massive trophy.

I have plenty of ideas for challenges the glaziers could do, and I think each of them would be really entertaining to watch on television. For starters, a glazier could come across a home in need of a glass balustrade fix. Melbourne has plenty of talented glaziers who know how to do that, so I’m sure doing that while under pressure from enemy arrows wouldn’t be a problem. Imagine how riveting that would be to watch, though! There goes Terrance, the renowned Werribee glazier, repairing the balustrade! Oh no, here comes Jack, the most feared glazier in all of the Mornington Peninsula. He draws his bow. Terrance isn’t even aware of the danger! Surely this is the end of him.

But no, Jack shoots the balustrade instead, shattering it and preventing Terrance from getting his reward, making him desperate for food and more likely to join his alliance, since he doesn’t know who destroyed the balustrade. How exciting!