I can’t believe we pulled it off! We actually managed to kick the Riley family off Family Fight without anyone suspecting a thing. The previously undefeated champions wanted to hightail it out of the studio with the billions of dollars we weren’t able to pay them, but we showed them. We would have had to close down the entire show for good if we’d been required to pay up. So the only real choice was to rig the show to make them lose. The plan went to perfection if I do say so myself.

The truth is, the Hudson family aren’t professionals when it comes to commercial tinting at all. They are actually androids purchased by the show and programmed to answer the questions with the answers we had prepared. Now that we have a family of androids on the show, we can make it seem like the competition is real while saving money by not having to pay the winners. We’ve got two sets of androids which can change their appearance between shows, acting as both the challengers and the champions. It’s genius. Nobody will ever realise what we’re doing. Unless they read this blog post, of course. But what are the chances of that happening? Basically impossible. It’s hidden on an obscure website in the middle of the internet equivalent of the Sahara Desert. So I think the secret regarding the masters of office window tinting for the Melbourne area is safe here.

If anybody finds this post, I will personally eat my shoe while walking across the tightrope of flames and suffering we used to use on the show. I’ll do it on national television. Heck, I’ll even do it while not wearing any clothes. That’s how confident I am that this secret is safe.

Why even make this blog post, then? Well, I like to use it as a diary of sorts. There’s nothing wrong with that, is there? Anyway, I’ve got to go plan the next fifty episodes of the show. Here’s to the continuing success of Family Fight!

– Gary the Producer

If there’s one thing the Earth is never going to run out of, it’s sand. There’s SO much sand in the world, and we’re actually not using much of it. So while the world might run out of water, causing us to have to make a trip to Mars every morning to fill up with Mars water to brush our teeth, I think glass is going to be the next big ‘thing’, as outlined in my keynote speech at the Futurist Club last night. I think it went well.

I mean…glass is something that I think most people like. It’s inoffensive, and commercial window tinting has improved the lives of many an office worker. Frosted window glass gives both privacy and a sense of style, and let’s not forget decorative window glass. Oh, no… in the future, no one will forget decorative window glass. As Earth’s resources dwindle and we have to pay a premium to bring in resources from the space colonies, people will realise that there’s all that sand just lying there, not really doing anything. Whole deserts of the stuff: just premium Earth sand. And so, Earth will become the glass exporter, restoring its reputation in the galactic community, as it becomes the main exporter of tinted glass, frosted glass, decorative glass…and who knows what’ll be possible with the glass techniques of the future? It’s possible that we can create starships made almost entirely of sturdy, space-age glass, making our travels through the cosmos both elegant and convenient for travelers.

Of course, Earth will be the main recipient. The office window tinting near Melbourne CBD will be legendary, in both the world and the galaxy. In fact, it’ll be mandatory as a matter of preserving culture. Yep…we’ll have a wonderful, great glass empire to enjoy. Give it about 600 years or so, and people will finally realise that glass is the way, because despite all the desert, they haven’t already.

-Jayce