Monthly Archives: August 2017

aluminium toolbox

I’m Very Suspicious of This Bridge Idea

ute draw systemsThe amount of stupidity on the internet never ceases to amaze me. It should’ve, by now, but they just keep finding ways to outdo themselves.

Okay, I’m not being an elitist here, even though it totally sounds like I am, but if you saw a petition to create a bridge from Melbourne to Sydney backed by ANY amount of signatures without a shred of proof to back up why it’s a good idea…well, you’d come to the same conclusion. The guy’s only qualifier is that he owns an aluminium toolbox and ‘does DIY, like, all the time’.

Maybe I need to seek out the opinion of actual professionals- real ones, with toolbox central locking and utes and all that- but I don’t think his idea is actually feasible. So you’d have to build a stretch of bridge that’s almost 900 km long, accompanied by some of the biggest support columns mankind has ever produced all the way. The bridge would STILL wind, since you’d otherwise have to build right through the middle of existing towns. Just the production costs would be greater than the GDP of Australia, let alone the impossibility of maintaining such a thing. Ugh, why am I even thinking about this? We don’t NEED it!

This is the internet. A person gets involved in DIY for a hobby, they buy themselves a ute with a few fancy accessories, and suddenly they’re on the level of the experts because on the internet, they can TELL themselves that they are. More people need to be refuting this sort of thing. And I can’t do it, because what do I know about draw systems and all that aluminium toolbox stuff? I’m not some aluminium expert. I don’t even own a toolbox; just a small bag that I keep in my car. Still, I feel like I have to use a bit of research to refute the internet experts. It’s for their own good, really.

Boating

Darn Youths, Ruining My Fishing

plate alloy boatsThere’s a lot you can say about the art of fishing. First off, always observe proper stretching technique. Sitting in one place for incredibly long periods of time can really wreak havoc on your joints, and…other things. Here in the world of fishing, we call it ‘Rickety Rear’. I mean…people would if it ever caught on. Thirty-five years and you’d think people would start respecting me, but I suppose that’s what the internet is for. Now I have a whole new audience, and they don’t sit on the banks judging me for my technique. There’s nothing worse than a back-bench fisher.

One thing people never seem to heed is the strength of their fishing rod holders. If you want to be a serious fisherman, or fisher-woman, you need to sort out your fishing rod repository device. Sometimes you don’t WANT to fish for a moment, so you  put your rod in the holder and go to make tea, or observe some proper hand stretching technique. So you walk away, but you haven’t taken this great advice, so you hear a plop. There goes your fishing rod to a particularly deep part of the river, and you might not be getting that back. Those things can be expensive! And so, you need a decent rod holder to make sure this unfortunate person is not you.

And another thing! There’s a young, up and coming group of fishers from the millennial generation, and they’re evenly split between promising and unbearable. The sort that like to fish while eating avocado toast and sipping lattes are the good ones. They appreciate our slightly rickety boats, and even refer to them fondly as ‘vintage’ and ‘retro’.

And then the new crowd all come with plate alloy boats, flaunting their superiority and fishing with barely a sliver of effort because their fishing rod holder is motorized and basically doing all the fishing for them. No challenge, I tell you. None at all! The old ways are always the best, sometimes.

-Rod